I actually have a couple of minutes – maybe more?? – to post something. Hannah, Jaycie and her friend are all still asleep, and Will is conked out in the other room. He has slept through the night two nights in a row, so I am actually feeling better. For several nights there I was only getting about 4-5 hours, and that not in a row, and it was starting to wear on me. Ashley said something this morning about how I shouldn’t avoid blogging because I am self-conscious, and I laughed and reminded her that blogging has slipped down my list of priorities, just behind sleeping, feeding three kids with totally different schedules, changing diapers, stopping the screaming/crying/climbing, and washing dishes. Even eating myself is a luxury some days. I tend to find myself starting to clean up after the girls’ lunch, getting a bottle ready for Will, and realizing that I haven’t eaten myself. You’d think this would help me lose weight. You’d be wrong. The sad thing is that at night I find that I am too tired to eat but too hungry to sleep.

I feel like I should be posting something deep and insightful about the beauty of adoption and how much it teaches us about God, etc. The truth is that we haven’t really spent much time thinking about it. I’d like to blame that on time, but I wonder if it has more to do with the way this adoption has happened. For almost six weeks it was in some ways like we were babysitting. I anticipated that at the twenty day mark there would be a cloud lifted or that it would change in a flash, but it really didn’t. That may be because that point came and went, or maybe just because we felt more secure about it, or maybe because we truly are sleep-deprived. For whatever reason, we just went from day 20 to day 21 and 22 and the reality never hit in one shot. In many ways it is still surreal.

The good thing is that our new reality reveals itself in smaller, more subtle ways. For example, last night at our worship at the park, I was leading the discussion, and I looked over at the wife of one of our elders. She was holding Will, and I was struck with a sense of familiarity. It is silly to say that I recognized him, but seeing him with someone else, especially when I wasn’t expecting it, stirred up a feeling of ownership. I guess God knows that I can’t handle the reality all at once, because in my current state I’d melt down into a blubbering, crying, helpless mess. And speaking of crying and helpless, you know who is starting to wake up. I’m trying to decide on a recipe for today, and maybe before midnight I’ll have another opportunity to post it.

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