I have been terribly remiss in my blogging efforts lately. For a while I had a legitimate excuse – no sleep, constant baby stuff, etc. But since then I have just gotten out of the habit. I need to do it, for myself at least. I have realized that this is a very important part of who I am. It seems that the process of writing is a way for me to access deeper thoughts and feelings that I typically don’t deal with. Also, writing about spiritual things is the best way I have found to maintain my focus on and my commitment to God.

So much has happened/is happening in our lives, and it would be impossible to try to recap that here. Let’s just say that nothing has happened the way we thought it would. Plans and assumptions that we have made, even with good reason, have changed or fallen through altogether. We have been in a constant state of change – planning, acting, reevaluating, reacting, and planning again. People have expressed their words of encouragement and reassurance, but at this point we are somewhat numb to the whole process. There may have been times that we have started to second-guess the decisions we made as if we had made a mistake. I am coming to think differently about it, however. I wonder if God allowed us to think we were secure to give us the confidence to make decisions that were best for us in the long run. He knew that we would never take risks that were that big, so He “encouraged” us in ways that may at first glance seem to be unfair.

For example, my hours at my current job were going to be cut due to grant funding. This was the impetus to interview for a new job, which I got. This led to my resignation at the Family Enrichment Center (although I agreed to help out by teaching a daytime class for six weeks). Then, the week before I was to start at the psychiatric hospital, they “realized” that because I am not licensed as a social worker, they can’t actually hire me. So now, without trying to recreate every movement of the last month, I am (I think) going to be a proud employee of Barnes and Noble, working…where else…in the Cafe. I almost feel guilty even saying that, and it is difficult to talk about without grinning. While I have worked so long for the mental health of others, I now get a job that helps my mental health. I even get an employee discount on coffee!

This is a seasonal job – for them and for me – and not exactly what I would have chosen (the jobs where they pay you to stay home and be a dad must be all taken). But nothing in my life right now is what I would have chosen, but God knew that I would have chosen poorly. I have so many blessings, and one of them is starting to wake up right now. I promise to post more soon.

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