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Some may wonder what I do all day. Well, among other things, I wonder a lot. I have developed a list of some of the questions that may pass through my mind on any given day. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Why don’t prescribed medications have pleasant side effects. Rather than “This medication may cause diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness and nervousness,” why not a medication that warns “This medication may cause you to lose weight and become more attractive” or “Caution: use of this medication will cause your food to taste unbelievably better?” I might be more likely to finish out my prescription if my medicine made me feel euphoric rather than nauseous. Why hasn’t someone thought of this before now?
2. How would Barney do if he had to take care of kids for more than 22 minutes? He is like the fun babysitter with a cool car and lots of money. He looks like a hero for a short time, but he gets to disappear when it’s time to put the kids to bed. I watch him and feel like a terrible parent, but I wonder how he’d do on a long car trip. Just once I’d love to see Barney lose it. Of course, you have to remember that he is paying the kids, so of course they will act appropriately. If I could pay my kids royalties and threaten to fire them, they’d be angels – but then if my kids were like the kids on Barney I’d run away.
3. Related to number 2, I wonder if the kids who used to be on Barney are in therapy now? I’d love to talk to them. Did they grow up to be better people because of their constant exposure, or did they reject his teachings and rebel. Do they gag when they say please and thank you? Can they say the word “Pumpernickel” without having flashbacks? What was it like going to school while on Barney? Did they get beat up? What are they like as parents. Do they let their kids watch Barney? Are they cheesy in real life? Wow, I didn’t know how many questions I had until I started listing them.
4. Am I the only person who eats a piece of bread, and then notices that the next piece has mold on it, and then wonders if the previous piece had mold on it too? It didn’t taste bad at the time, but now I feel like there is the taste of death in my mouth. I think I am going to be sick, but that may be from the side effects of my medication.
5. How did ticks survive the flood? Did Noah really round up some ticks to save them from destruction, only so people like me will burn them with matchsticks and slather them up with Vasoline? Maybe they were on the animals. Maybe Satan invented them after the flood to discourage people from spending too much time in nature.
6. This may not really be spiritual in nature, but goes more to God’s purposes. Everything that God made works. Pain exists so we will seek treatment. The sun is hot, so we perspire and get thirsty to prevent overheating. We duck out of reflex when we see something coming, and we pull away when we touch something hot before our brain even registers it. Our instincts are good, and often serve to preserve us and our lives. Why, then, did God invent itching? The only thing that you want to do when you itch is to scratch, but that is the one thing that you are not supposed to do. Why couldn’t God either have made itching make us want to do nothing or make scratching the cure for itching?
This is only a sample list. I have a few more, but I’ll share those with select others in private. Just because you have a blog doesn’t mean you should say everything that crosses your mind.